Dragon Strange: Part 4

Posted: March 2, 2014 in Dragon Strange
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Part 4

Tomas: Praise the Maker help has arrived!
Warden: Let me guess, you have a quest for us. Is it to find out who stole the letter H from your name?
Tomas: Has nobody heard? Does nobody know?
Warden: We can’t go more than a minute of talking without being attacked, doesn’t make for the optimum conditions for picking up rumours.
Tomas: You have a good point there…
Bandits: ATTACK!
Warden and party make quick work of the bandits.
Tomas: Anyway as I was saying…
Bandits: ATTACK!
Alistair: I think the second wave is here.

100 waves of bandits later

Tomas: Blimey, I thought we had it bad with the undead coming to attack us, you’ve got bandits spawning out of thin air every 20 seconds
Warden: It must be my deodorant. Oh drat did I click the funny option by mistake?
Alistair: I like your deodorant.
Warden: I’m not really wearing any deodorant, it was a joke. A bad one
Alistair (winking): Guess what I’m not wearing
Warden: How much rivalry will I earn for telling you to piss off?
Alistair rivalry +25
Warden: I see. So you were saying something about undead?
Tomas: Follow me, Teagan will want to see you.
Alistair: Teagan? The Arls brother? He’s here? In the town where he lives? Wait, why am I surprised by this?


Morrigan: Probably because you’re surprised every time you look in the mirror and see your own face.
Alistair: Is that who that is?
Warden: Wait, why does Redcliffe look exactly like Lothering?
Tomas: Um… oh look, there’s the Chantry. Let’s go in and talk to Teagan before you ask me any more questions I can’t answer.
Alistair: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck…
Warden, Tomas & Morrigan: Shut up!

Warden & party enter a very familiar looking chantry.
Grand Cleric: I bid you welcome…


Warden: Even the Grand Cleric looks the same as the one in Lothering!
Grand Cleric: Wait, this isn’t Lothering. Drat, I’ve wandered onto the wrong set again. They all look so alike…
Grand Cleric wanders off.
Teagan: Welcome to Redcliffe please help and save us from the waves of undead who keep attacking us every night.


Alistair: Hello Teagan! You may not recognise me but last time you saw me I was covered in mud!
Teagan: Oh Maker, if you’re the whore I hired last night I was even more drunk than I thought!
Warden: You’re being attacked every night by undead so you shacked up with a prostitute?
Alistair: It’s me, Alistair!
Teagan: Who?
Alistair: Eamon raised me…
Teagan looks blank
Alistair: Marrics son
Teagan: Cailan? We thought you were dead! Praise the Maker the King has returned! Wait… you don’t look like Cailan! This is a trick isn’t it?
Alistair: His other son! Alistair, the bastard.
Teagan: Oh yes. You. Didn’t you die at Ostagar then?
Warden: Why yes he did, but as you can see he made a full recovery. Sorry, hit sarcastic option again.
Alistair: Let’s just help these people
Bandit: Too late! Too long without fight! ATTACK!

Some time later…

Warden: Teagan said to see what you need us to help the militia with.
Murdock: Owen the blacksmith has locked himself in his smithy. Convince him to give us weapons and armour. Also there’s a dwarf named Dwyn who could help us fight but refuses to.
Alistair: You know I’ve been meaning to ask something, why is it that our party isn’t full?
Warden: What? There are four of us. Me, you, Morrigan and Dog.
Dog: Woof!


Alistair: But the dog is a sustained ability not a party member, remember? DA2 style.
Warden: … Oh sod! I forgot that. Let’s add the hot redhead to the party.
Alistair rivalry +10
Morrigan rivalry +10
Dog rivalry +10
Warden: If you’re not a proper companion you don’t get to have rivalry or friendship points.
Dog rivalry +100.
Warden: And it’s not letting me add Leliana to the party from here
Alistair: Try clicking on that… thing there. Looks kind of like a mailbox with a horn on it or something.
Warden: I thought that was just a bad attempt at art.
Leliana appears out of nowhere.
Warden: Right, good. Now let’s get this over with so we can go to Orzammar.
Alistair: Circle of Magi.
Warden: Oh for… When do I get to make a decision again?
Alistair: There’ll be one in about ten minutes. It’s a good one. Choosing differently will effect three whole lines of dialogue.

They enter the Blacksmithery or Forge or whatever

Owen: Well I let you in. Whadda ya want?
Leliana: Smells like a brewery in here!
Alistair: Somebody’s been drinking.
Owen: I read the script for this game and knew I couldn’t do it sober. How you manage it I dunno.
Warden: Good point, pass me that flask!
Morrigan friendship +10

Many, many beers later…

Warden: Wait, why am I not drunk?
Owen: Are you gonna save my daughter or not?
Warden: No.
Owen: I’ll take that as a yes then. Tell the militia I’ll help but I expect you to keep your promise.
Warden: Let’s just find the dwarf.
Dwyn: I’m over here. Devs figured if they were being so lazy to make all buildings look alike they may as well just toss us in the same one. Besides, I’m a dwarf and there’s beer here. Do the math.
Warden: Ok great, will you fight with the militia?
Dwyn: Nah.
Warden: Good for you. Wish I could make decisions like that.
Dwyn: I’m impressed, you’ve convinced me. I’ll fight.
Warden: What? What did I do?
Dwyn: You chose enough “nice” options in dialogues with other people that somehow you became able to convince me to do something just by selecting nice dialogues.


Warden: Leliana, what nice dialogue options do you have?
Morrigan rivalry +10
Leliana: We shall talk at camp.
Warden: Suddenly I’m eager to get this section over with so we can return to camp.
Alistair: And then head to the Circle of Magi.
Warden: Where we will push Alistair off the docks.
Morrigan friendship +10

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  1. rayvio says:

    Poor Alistair. I really do like his character, but every RPG party needs an annoying idiot character to frustrate the player and play the butt of the jokes and the role just naturally fell to ‘Alice’ partly because of his banter with Morrigan, his being the first party member and exposition provider and because it allowed me to make the EAlistair joke later


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