Part 6
Teagan: The village is saved!
Warden: Isn’t it a town?
Teagan: Does it matter?
Warden: Well I think it does.
Alistair: Maybe we should go and rescue Eamon now?
Teagan: Oh I suppose so. Meet me at the windmill. I have something to show you.
Warden: Not you as well? You’re really not my type.
Murdock: And this is my favourite bow Jessie. We must’ve killed at least five thousand undead last night together… oh hello Comman… I mean, Warden. Good battle last night.
Warden: Why have you drawn a fake scar on your head?
Murdock: It’s not fake! I used to be a bandit back in the days, had my own group and everything. Traitorous bastard shot me in the head but I survived because I’m just that much of a bad ass. Nobody else made it out alive.
Warden: You didn’t have a scar yesterday. Just how many blows to the head did you take last night?
Tomas: He tripped over before the battle began and hit his head on a wall. Woke up a couple of hours ago and he’s been talking like this ever since. We’d find him a healer but he’s funnier like this.
Villager: Actually his head’s fine, but he dropped his script in the battle. We found a replacement script on one of the zombies who worked as a husk on Mock Effect.
Warden: Oh look, a Chanters board. Why’s this blank?
Alistair: Because we already did a Chanters board quest this act. There’ll be one more later, or maybe some quests will appear on there instead of from an NPC but only if you side with a different faction.
Warden: Different to what?
Alistair: I’m being careful not to give spoilers.
Warden: Let’s just go meet Teagan and get on with this quest.
Warden & party approach the windmill where they find Teagan passionately making out with an unfamiliar woman.
Alistair: Unfamiliar? That’s Lady Isolde!
Teagan: Um… I know how this looks…
Isolde: Oh Teagan I was so worried about you. Come back to the castle with me, I promise it’s not a trap at all.
Teagan: Right, can’t say no to that.
Warden: What about us?
Isolde: The Evil said only Teagan can come with me.
Teagan: There’s a secret passing in the windmill. It’s the very obvious looking trapdoor with SECRET PASSAGE written on it in glowing magical letters.
Isolde: Come Teagan, we must hurry! Eamon might recover any minute and then we’ll have to go back to hiding.
Alistair: I think there might be something going on between them
Warden: What? Really?
Alistair: When I was a child I saw Teagan lying on top of her and they were both naked but Teagan said they were just exercising to keep fit and didn’t want their clothes to get all sweaty and then Isolde had me sent off to the Templars. I know it sounds paranoid but I sometimes wonder if maybe she did that to stop me telling Eamon.
Warden: I’m sure you’re just imagining it.
Alistair: I guess so. Oh look, here’s the trapdoor.
Warden: No that says “SECRET PASSAGE TO BELLA’S BEDROOM” this one says “SECRET PASSAGE TO LADY ISOLDES…. KINKY… DUNGEON… OF FUN…” I’m not sure we want to go this way.
Alistair: Why not?
Leliana: Alistair! I’m surprised at you! I thought you were a nice boy.
Alistair: What? What did I do? I’m confused! And what does “kinky” mean? Is that something to do with the sound chains make?
Morrigan: Oh let’s just go. Alistair could use the education.
Alistair: Are you being nice to me? I’m getting really scared now.
Warden & party walk through the dungeons until they hear somebody screaming.
Jowan: Help! I forgot the safe word! Let me out!
Warden: Who are…
Undead: Brains!
Warden: I thought it’d been a while since we killing something.
Some zombie killing later…
Jowan: Wow, that was a lot of undead. I lost count around the fiftieth wave.
Warden: Who are you?
Jowan: I’m Jowan. Lady Isolde brought me here to tutor her son and shag her but Loghain had sent me to poison Arl Eamon and well, I got my assignments confused! I poisoned Connor and tutored Isolde and…
Warden: Why would she hire you to tutor her son?
Jowan: Mostly just as a ruse to get me on the staff so she didn’t have to sneak to my Secret Apostate Hideout (secret passage in the windmill) but also because Connor is a mage.
Alistair: What happened to Eamon?
Jowan: I met this girl, Isabela, at the Pearl in Denerim and caught… something from her. I passed it on to Eamon and he’s been sick ever since. Lady Isolde was furious when she caught me with her husband and had me locked up to torture me but I forgot the safe word so she hasn’t let me out!
Alistair: I’m lost
Jowan: Press M for the map
Alistair: Is it awesome?
Warden: Shut up.
Alistair rivalry +10
Warden: What does this have to do with the undead and demons and evil and stuff?
Jowan: The poison I gave Connor, it sent him into the Fade and I think he made a deal with a demon to get revenge on me. I swear, I was just trying to poison his father, shag his mother and teach him to be a blood mage! I’ve done nothing wrong!
Warden: Right I’m just going to leave you locked in there and go try to fix this mess.
Jowan: Can you at least give me some pants? It’s awfully chilly in here.
Warden: Sorry, sold them to a dwarf.
Morrigan: He could have Alistairs.
Alistair: What? No!
Warden: Could be good for a laugh.
Alistair rivalry +10
Alistair: Well you can’t! You can’t change companion armour in this game, so there!
Warden: Bah. Let’s just go then.
Jowan: But I’m cold!
Morrigan casts fireball
Dragon Strange & Other Insanity 
Jowan and Isolde, two of the most hated characters among the fandom… so I had to pair them up, even if it was ‘offscreen’.
Absolutely nothing in the game hints at a relationship between Teagan and Isolde, nonetheless I’m convinced that it’s cannon.
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