Dragon Strange: Part 8

Posted: March 20, 2014 in Dragon Strange
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Part 9

Warden: Wait, what happened to 8?
Alistair: DLC?
Sten: No.
Alistair: Timeskip?
Morrigan disapproves
Alistair: Bad joke?
Warden: Probably

Part 8


Warden: So this Jowan guy ran away from this tower all the way to… a town on the same lake? Wouldn’t it have been smarter to, oh I don’t know, go to Kirkwall or something?
Alistair: Kirkwall? That’s like the Templar capital of Thedas! You’d have to be the worlds stupidest apostate to go there!
Warden: I guess so.
Bandit: ATTACK
Warden: Hey this one dropped a sword. Sten is this yours?
Sten: Ask me at camp.
Warden: My journal says this is your sword and that you really badly want it back because it’s like your soul or something.
Sten: Camp.
Warden: Right. I can see you’re really in a hurry to get it back. Maybe you’d like the Butterfly Sword instead?
Sten: Fine. I will pretend we’re in camp.
Warden: Here’s your sword.
Sten: This is my sword. But you did not pick the correct dialogue option so I shall hate you for no apparent reason.
Sten rivalry +10
Warden: Bugger.
Carroll: I hope you’re not looking to get across to the tower because I’ve strict orders not to let anybody across.
Warden: This treaty says you have to let us cross
Carroll: Oh yeah? Well I got a bit of paper that says I’m the Queen of Antiva. What do you say to that?
Warden: Well you do have a girls name.
Carroll: You say you’re a Grey Warden? So what?
Warden: I’ve had enough of your snide repudiations!
Shepard Punch, which is massively effective
Warden: Alistair, you can row.
Alistair: Row row row your boat, gently to the tower. Singing singing singing a song that’ll make you kill me within the hour.

Warden, Morrigan, Leliana, Alistair and Dog arrive at the tower having swapped Sten at the weird mailbox-with-a-horn-on-it-thing.


Knight Commander Gregoir: Who are you? What are you doing here? What is your favourite colour?
Warden: Well that would be subtle if it wasn’t for the last one. We’re Grey Wardens here to remind your mages of this treaty that was signed thousands of years ago by people long dead in the hopes that you’ll help us despite the fact that the treaty is probably not legally compelling and was in fact written by Alistair during the boat ride since he dropped the real one over the side.
Gregoir: We cannot help you.
Warden: Is it because it’s written in crayon?
Gregoir: No it’s because all of our mages turned into abomi… abominibina… monsters. But if you kill them all then the Templars will help you instead.
Warden: Because you clearly proved to be so competent at this assignment.
Gregoir: Just get in there and kill stuff, if we chat too long we’ll get ambushed and I’ve no confidence in my mens ability to defend me while I hide behind something.
Morrigan: These are the brave and fearless Templars we apostates hide from?
Gregoir: We are indeed and while we may not seem a threat to you, rest assured that if you were an apostate we would know and you would be afraid!
Morrigan: Of course, my mistake. It’s a good job I’m not an apostate then isn’t it?
Gregoir: Well of course. But if you were then we’d know. Somehow. I’m sure we would.


Warden: Have you ever actually found an apostate?
Templar: Well, no. But that must just mean we’re doing so well at our jobs that there aren’t any. Right?
Warden: And these guys trained you Alistair? Suddenly it all makes sense.
Alistair: Hey look at this! Come inside, it looks just like the Tower of Ishal!

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  1. rayvio says:

    It really cannot be overstated just how mind-blowingly incompetent the Templars in DA2 are.
    It really cannot be overstated just how mind-blowingly incompetent the Templars in DA2 are.
    It really cannot be overstated just how mind-blowingly incompetent the Templars in DA2 are.
    Ok, maybe it can be overstated.


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