Dragon Strange: Part 24

Posted: May 29, 2014 in Dragon Strange
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da2style

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Part 24

The following takes place between part 23 and part 25
Events do not occur in real time

Qwerty, Alistair, Leliana, Shale and Doggigan enter the Brecilian Forest for the final treaty
Qwerty: I can’t believe how far it was from camp to here. This feels like the longest day of my life!
Alistair: Well at least you don’t have a daughter, we’d have lost a lot of time having to rescue her from kidnappers again and again
Leliana: I haven’t seen any elves yet, do you think they got kidnapped instead?
Doggigan: There’s usually some Dalish around this part of the forest, we’ll probably run into them any time now…
Mithra: Halt! Thou shalt not pass!

hand
Tattoo unintentionally changed by an unknown addon

Qwerty: You must be one of the Dalish…
Mithra: And you must be lost, Shem. Turn away while you still can
Qwerty: Actually I was looking for you
Mithra: Me? Why? Wait, Sanga didn’t send you did she? Because I’m not going back, I’m one of the Dalish now!
Qwerty: No, I mean we’re looking for the Dalish. We’re Grey Wardens, well me and Alice are anyway, and we have these treaties…
Mithra: Grey Wardens? Why don’t you have uniforms then?
Qwerty: I’m wearing one!
Mithra: No that’s just a suit of armour, I mean those silly blue and white striped ones
Qwerty: Look, we’re bloody Wardens ok? Just take us to your leader
Doggigan: Keeper
Mithra: Fine, follow me. But be warned, there’s five billion arrows trained on you right now and if you try anything you’ll be taught the meaning of overkill.
Zathrian: I see you bring guests…
Qwerty: Sign my Voyager DVD box set! Please? Please?
Zathrian: Who are these people Mithra?
Mithra: They say they’re Grey Wardens
Zathrian: Ah, then I know why you’re here
Qwerty: Say “live long and prosper”!
Zathrian: I’m afraid however that we can offer no aid. As you can see, our hunters have all been bitten by werewolves
Qwerty: Do the hand sign thing!
Zathrian: If you truly want our aid… can you stop pushing those damn DVDs at me! If you want our aid, you must find and defeat Witherfang the great wolf. Bring me his heart and I can try to cure my people
Qwerty: And then you’ll autograph them?
Alistair: You want him to autograph his people? Oh, is that what those tattoos are?
Qwerty: No, autograph the DVDs you pillock
Alistair rivalry +10
Alistair: Wait, is “pillock” an insult?
Qwerty: Yes
Alistair rivalry +10
Qwerty: So do we have a deal?
Zathrian: I’ll even do the damn quote
Lanaya: I am the Keeper’s First…
Leliana: Aren’t you a little young? He waited until he was that old before his first time?
Lanaya: No, not that kind of first! I am his right hand…
Oghren: But my right hand *was* that kind of first…
Lanaya: I’m second in command, ok? We welcome you, heroes for hire. Save our hunters, before they expire. Don’t leave us for dead, like on Virmire

virmire

Alistair: You’re a poet and you didn’t know it!
Lanaya: I am a poet and I do know it, stupid Shemlen!
Qwerty: What’s in this box I wonder…
Lanaya: Do not open that! If you do then I and all Dalish shall hate you and your entire kind for all eternity
Qwerty: Sorry, DA2 style. You’ll just ignore us looting you blind
Lanaya: Damn it!
Qwerty: Nice book
Alistair: Does it have pictures?
Qwerty: Some gold too
Lanaya hums to herself
Qwerty: This bow looks pretty good too
Lanaya: Could you at least not do it right under my nose? See, now you made Cammen cry!
Cammen: No, I was c-crying anyway
Qwerty: Why?
Cammen: There’s th-this girl. She won’t m-marry me
Oghren : Girl huh? Wait, are you a boy elf or a girl elf? I want to know whether to go for her or a threesome
Cammen: I’m a b-boy but everyone calls me a g-girl
Oghren: Hmm, a riddle huh? Well that’s easily solved, what’s in your pants?
Cammen: I have my d-diary in my pocket. And some flowers
Leliana: Oh leave the poor thing alone Oghren. Go back to camp, you’re not even in the party
Oghren: Right, just because I’m alive now I should stop turning up when there’s a chance for sex? Hey, you know all those fade-to-blacks, I took some Mass Effect night vision goggles from that vault…
Qwerty: You weren’t even there!
Oghren: There were girl dwarves locked up in cells! You know what girls get up to when there’s no men around don’t you?
Alistair: Gossiping?
Leliana: Planning to kill Oghren?
Doggigan: Killing templars, practicing blood magic and asking when we three shall meet again? What? That’s what mother and I did when we had visitors
Oghren: They get naked and have pillowfights! Everyone knows that! So I went to the vault to watch
Alistair: And did they have any pillowfights?
Oghren: They didn’t even have pillows! Well, their cells didn’t have pillows, some of them had a nice pair of pillows I’d like to rest my head on…
Doggigan: Charming. Yet still less annoying than Alice
Cammen: P-pillow fights? B-but fighting s-scares me!
Qwerty: I wonder why she wouldn’t want to marry you…
Cammen: And I can’t go into the f-forest to prove my worth
Qwerty: Because of the werewolves?
Cammen: T-that and m-my allergies. I’m allergic to being brave
Qwerty: Tell you what, point out this girl and we’ll have a word with her
Cammen: R-really? You’d d-do that? T-that’s her
Qwerty: A red-head too, nice. Leliana, shall we?
Leliana: Let’s!
Qwerty: Just one thing first, Shale?
Qwerty whispers something in Shale’s ear
One fade-to-black threesome later
Oghren rivalry +10
Wynne friendship +10
Qwerty: Eh? Wynne?
Leliana: Old perv must’ve been spying on us!
Oghren: Damn it golem, did you have to put your hands over my eyes right at that moment?
Shale: What did it just call me?
Oghren: Um… gorgeous?
Shale: Even worse!
Shale picks up Oghren and throws him in the direction of the camp
Cammen: Noooooooo!
Qwerty: Oh don’t worry, it’s only Oghren
Cammen: M-my g-girl! Y-you… I can’t even s-say it!
Lanaya: I’d be pissed, but honestly Cammen’s so annoying that I actually like you better now. Go with our blessings friends
Qwerty: Perhaps we could persuade you to join us too?
Lanaya: I’m sorry but that flirt option in my dialogue is just to tease you
Qwerty: Damn. Maybe in another game then, if I can resist the shy blue girl
Elora: Wait! I still have a quest. My halla is sick
Alistair: Why’s it wearing a pointy hat?
Elora: Halla-ween costume
Qwerty: I’ll use my super survival skills to calm it down. I knew those points weren’t a waste
Elora: Ah I see, this halla isn’t sick, her mate is and she’s worried!
Alistair: So we saved them? Halla-lujah
Qwerty: Right, time to go wolf hunting then

Some walking and a little fighting later…
Alistair: I see dead person

dead

Leliana: He’s not dead, he’s just stunned
Alistair: I think he’s dead
Qwerty: He’s just pining… see, pine cones on the ground around him
Leliana checks his pulse
Leliana: He’s alive
Shale: Pity
Doggigan: We could kill him and take his stuff
Qwerty: Let’s take him back to the Dalish camp
One quick trip there and back later…
Swiftrunner: Thou shalt not pass!
Qwerty: I hear that a lot…
Swiftrunner: Evil Dalish send you to do their bidding but we not let you!
Qwerty picks up a stick and throws it

stick

Qwerty: Fetch!
The werewolves and Doggigan run off after the stick
Qwerty: Why did I have to hammer the S key to do that?
Alistair: Must have been the Stick of Truth
After a short walk they’re ambushed by trees
Alistair: Not the trees! NOT THE TREES!
Qwerty: What? They’re just trees, what’s to be scared of?
Alistair: Didn’t you see Evil Dead?
Grand Oak: Hmm what manner of beast be thee who come before this elder tree?
Qwerty: Another poet? Is there a convention here or something?
Grand Oak: Help me please for I have need. Some mad bastard has stolen my seed
Qwerty: Ok…

rhyme

Grand Oak: If you return my acorn to myself, I shall help you aid the elf
Qwerty: Where is this mad bastard?
Alistair: I’m right here. Oh you meant the other one…
Grand Oak: Somewhere, over there
Qwerty: Right. Off we go then
Doggigan runs up with the stick in her mouth
Doggigan rivalry +10

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