Dragon Strange: Part 29

Posted: June 28, 2014 in Dragon Strange
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da2style

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Part 29

Shale: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Maker no!
Qwerty: I didn’t know you cared about her
Shale: I don’t, but I got a bit of her in my eye! I’m suffering traumatic flashbacks involving pigeons, it is most unpleasant!
Qwerty: Ah, I see. Wait, why are you even here?
Shale: I disguised myself as a statue to prove the pointy eared one wrong
Erlina: I suppose it’s better than “knife-eared Orlesian bitch at least
Shale: In that case I shall now refer to you as “knife-eared Orlesian bitch” instead
Alistair: Tact and diplomacy aren’t your strong points are they?
Shale: Nobody has ever complained
Shale pauses a second for dramatic effect
Shale: A second time
Alistair: Point taken
Qwerty: Nobody noticed that you don’t look anything like the statues here?
Shale: Did any guards notice that you looked nothing like any of the guards? Having a green beard for instance?
Qwerty: Fair point
Wynne: Well that was fun. What now?
Anora: I think we might want to leave. Quickly
Guard: We’ll… um… just let you go then. Don’t blow us up please
Qwerty: What? No capture and daring prison escape?
Alistair: Guess not. Let’s head back to Eamon

surrender

Qwerty: But I wanted to do Fort Drakon! Capture me! I surrender!
The guards all run away in fear
Qwerty: Darn it

Back at Eamon’s estate
Eamon: Warden, you’ve returned! And with Queen Anora!
Anora: Yes, thank you for rescuing me Warden. I’m going to slink off to my bedroom, meet me there shortly, we have important matters to discuss
Leliana: Not without me you don’t
Qwerty: Wonder if the Elf girl will join in too
Oghren: I wonder if there’s any roomy closets in her room
Zevran: I wonder if I’ll get anything to say in this script
Leliana: I wonder why the wonder falls…
Eamon: Yes, well an important matter has come up during your absence. I received word of another Grey Warden in the city
Qwerty: Riordan? I sent him here, he should be here by now
Eamon: Apparently he was arrested before he got here. He’s been taken to Fort Drakon…
Qwerty (cheering): Yes!
Eamon: What?
Qwerty: It’s ok, just continue
Eamon: Well I was just going to say you’ll have to rescue him
Qwerty (cheering): Yes!

Meanwhile in Fort Drakon…
Riordan: And so it turned out that leaving the Estate removes the disguise, so there I was in the middle of a crowd completely naked! They arrested me for streaking and brought me here
Prisoner: Guess you’re stuck here then
Riordan: I doubt it. I am sure my good Warden buddy Alistair will rescue me
Prisoner: What, all on his own?
Riordan: No, he shall likely be aided by Qwerty

Cut to…
Alistair: Can we come in please? We’re selling these fine leather jackets
Guard1: Indy-ed?
Guard2: You must think we’re stupid
Qwerty: Aren’t you?
Guard2: Well, yeah. But we’re still not letting you in
Qwerty: Perhaps we could bribe you with this offer of a free night at the Pearl? Just knock on the door mentioned here and use the passcode “Gryphons”
The guards eagerly rush off towards the Pearl
Alistair: Well at least somebody will finally spring the trap
They enter the Fort and find some guards wandering around
Guard: Good day Champion (of Redcliffe)
Qwerty: You know who I am and you’re not stopping me?
Guard: DA2 rules, guard patrols just stand or walk around and do not get involved in any fights, criminal activity or conversations except to occasionally stand in the way of the camera to irritate the player
Qwerty: So we don’t need to, for example, use a catapult to create a diversion or something?
Guard: Nope. Have a nice day
Qwerty: Sod it, I want to shoot something anyway
Wall rivalry +100
Alistair: Well if we need to make a quick escape there’s a new exit now at least
Qwerty: Funny how the guards all ran to the hole to look at it rather than in the direction of where the shot came from

The pair make their way deeper into the fort and arrive at the cells
Riordan: My Warden buddies! I knew you would come for me
Qwerty: Oh for… put some bloody pants on would you?
Riordan: Did you bring any for me to wear?
Qwerty: Actually yes, there were some in a crate on the way. They’re marked as junk but better wearing junk than displaying yours
Riordan: You have my gratitude once again Warden
Qwerty: You’re a Warden, he’s a Warden, why call ME Warden?
Riordan: Fine, I shall call you Schmoooples then
Qwerty: No!
Alistair: We’d better go now
Prisoner: What about me?
Qwerty: What are you in for?
Prisoner: They said I was a thief, a murderer and that I downloaded MP3s. But it wasn’t me it was one of the other NPCs who look just like me. Actually it was probably several of them doing different crimes
Qwerty: Considering how many identical NPCs there are I actually believe your otherwise pathetically flimsy excuse. Very well, you can be rescued too
Prisoner: Thanks, I’ll just grab my jewellery, knives and hard drive out of the evidence chest
Guard: Ah it’s you again. Sorry to bother you, I was just checking on the prisoners. You’re rescuing them are you? Very good. Carry on then. Would you like me to escort you out and give you a tour guide along the way? There’s a very interesting hole in a wall that we like to stare at

Back at Eamon’s Estate again
Qwerty: Right, we rescued Riordan. Again

pants

Riordan: Thank you again
Qwerty: So what next? Landsmeet?
Eamon: I’ve heard rumours of an unrest in the Alienage
Qwerty: Aliens? I thought we were doing Dragon Age not Mass Effect
Leliana: Ooh are they Asari?
Eamon: The Elven Alienage. Ever since the elves were declared free people and not slaves they’ve been locked up in there and made to work for the rest of us

notslaveryatall

Qwerty: And this is different from slavery how?
Eamon: They complain less and their houses get burnt down more often
Qwerty: I see
Eamon: Anyway be a good Warden and go investigate it. Loghain is probably involved somehow because he’s evil and vile and smelly but even if he isn’t try to find a way to blame it on him so it’s not a waste of time
Qwerty: Off to the Alienage then, but I’ve a few stops to make along the way. Starting with Anora’s bedroom

Anora: Ah, Warden. I have a proposal for you… why are you taking your… good Maker man, put your pants back on! And you, stop fondling my elf!
Leliana: Sorry
Qwerty: Sorry
Anora: I will support you at the Landsmeet if you agree to support me as Queen instead of Alistair
Qwerty: Oh I think Alistair as Queen was just a joke, he probably will be a King
Anora: Doesn’t matter, I want to be Queen
Leliana: You could marry Alistair
Anora: What?!
Qwerty: Or you could marry me
Leliana: What?!
Qwerty: Think of it Leliana, I could be King and you could be my mistress.
Leliana: Hmm, I can see that there’d be some advantages to that arrangement
Anora: I can’t say I’m sold on the idea
Leliana: Perhaps we could help… convince you
One fade to black later…

fadetoblack

Anora: Why did the lights go out when you put a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me?
Leliana: I think the narrator was expecting something else
Oghren: He’s not the only one
Qwerty: I don’t think this is working. Let me try something
One quick log off, downloading and installing of a mod followed by a reload later…
Leliana: Perhaps we could help… convince you
One fade to black later…
Qwerty, Anora, Leliana and Erlina are just finishing getting dressed when Oghren falls out of the closet, having passed out, with a huge grin on his face
Qwerty: Glad that’s settled then
Leliana: Blessed be the Maker (of mods)

country

The Warden and party make a quick call at the tavern to call in some favours from nobles and more importantly to get completely drunk, on the way to the Alienage
Qwerty: There once was a woman, who lived in the sea. I didn’t love her but I think she loved me…
Elf: Hey, that’s my drunken rhyme! My only line!
Zevran: You think you have it bad? I’m a main character and I have hardly any lines!
Beggar: Can I have a coin please?
Qwerty: Fine but only if you get your friends together and be funny
Beggar1: What? But I’m just a poor beggar, not a comedian
Beggar2: And I’m just an orphan
Qwerty: Good start! I’ll check back later

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