Dragon Strange: Part 31

Posted: July 14, 2014 in Dragon Strange
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da2style

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Part 31

Tevintwo: Who are you?
Qwerty: Orderly Q reporting for duty
Tevinthree: Lies! Kill them!
Qwerty: That’s a bit harsh isn’t it? Just for telling lies?
Some degree of fighting later…

st-elf

Leliana: There’s a note here, I’ll read it for you since it won’t appear in your journal. It says they’re selling Elves
Alistair: They must be using st-elf to sneak them out
Qwerty: I found some Elves
Elf1: Please let us go! We’re not sick
Qwerty: Then why did you come here?
Elf2: We’re just really, really stupid. That’s not contagious is it?
Qwerty: Much as I’d like to punish you for that, it hardly makes you any different from anyone else I’ve met and besides, Shianni might not sleep with us if we don’t help you
Elf1: Shianni? Are you mad? I mean, she’s hot and all but…
Elf2: What he means is that she can kick his ass
Elf1: She scares me!
Qwerty: I’m liking her even more
Leliana: Me too

The party free the elves, loot the corpses, crates and sacks then leave
Shianni: What happened? A few Elves came out but where are all the rest?
Qwerty: The Tevinters have been selling them

slavery

Shianni: What? What would evil mages from the slavery capital of the world be selling people for?
Qwerty: Slavery?
Shianni: Don’t be silly. They must have sneaked them out the back door I never thought to bother watching despite my suspicions and through the houses and warehouses there
Qwerty: We found a key
Gatekeeper: Does that make you the Key Master?
Qwerty: No. Please go away
Gatekeeper: But I get so lonely
Shianni: Please, find the other Elves and save them too
Shale: Why does it waste time helping these people?
Alistair: Because we’re big damn heroes
Qwerty: And heroes get all the girls
Leliana: And Elven girls are hot
Qwerty: Human girls too
Leliana: And Dwarf girls
Oghren: Even golem girls
Shale: Stay away from me!
Qwerty: Hey where are those beggars? Shouldn’t they be here with more funny comments? I was hoping for an “arms for the poor?”. You know, like alms…

The party pass uneventfully through the warehouse district until they come out into an alley
Guard: Who are you?
Qwerty: I’m Qwerty Cousland, Grey Warden

attack

Guard: I’ve heard of you! Oh shit oh shit oh shit I’m gonna die! ATTACK!
Qwerty: Well you could have bravely ran away…
Guard: Don’t be daft, that’d be far too sensible!
Some brief bloodying of the walls later, they enter another building
Devera: Who are you? We were promised the authorities would leave us alone
Qwerty: We’re here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and bubble gum doesn’t exist in this universe
Devera: But I’m a named NPC! I’m clearly important so don’t kill me just yet, I have dialogue options
Leliana: Do any of them involve threesomes?
Devera: Of course not!
Qwerty: Do any of them involve anything other than us fighting you?
Devera: One of them involves me just running away. I like that one
Qwerty: You’re smarter than most guards. Fine, I’ll let you go
Alistair: She’s clearly evil, why are we letting her go?
Qwerty: I’m hoping she’ll turn up in a sequel

wardenS

Caladrius: You must be the Warden
Alistair: WardenS!
Leliana: Wardens and friends!
Doggigan: And rivals
Caladrius: Yes yes, Loghain warned me about you lot. So how about you give me money and I give you evidence against Loghain and you let me leave with my slaves and profits?
Qwerty: I’ve got a better offer
Caladrius: I’m listening
Qwerty: You give us the evidence, the profits and the Elves. You get out alive
Caladrius: That hardly seems fair does it?
Qwerty: You’re right, I shouldn’t let you go
Caladrius: No, listen! You take the money and the evidence, we take the knife-ears…
Qwerty: Knife-ears eh? How about…
Murder knife friendship +10
Qwerty: Knife-eyes!
Caladrius: That bloody hurt! I’m a mage, not a Templar, I’m not supposed to be blind! Look, I have another offer. I can drain their energy, kill all the elves and make you stronger!
Qwerty: Wait, I come in here to save the Elves and you try to bribe me with their deaths? Are you that stupid?
Caladrius: Yes!
Qwerty: Tell you what, we’ll just open these cages and let the elves finish you off
Cyrion: Thank you Wardens, friends and rivals. Please, take this dagger Duncan once gave me
Alistair: These documents prove Loghain approved the selling of Elves!
Qwerty: When did you learn to read?
Alistair: Duncan taught me… I miss Duncan
Alistair bursts into tears
Alistair: I wish I had something of Duncan’s to remember him by!
Qwerty slips Duncan’s dagger into his pocket

Shale: There’s something I have been meaning to ask It, yet we haven’t returned to camp in some time and now I’m sick of waiting
Qwerty: What is it?
Shale: I wish to go back into the Deep Roads
Qwerty: For another look in the vault? I was considering that too
Shale: No, I wish to investigate what Carridan said. It’s not that I don’t believe him, it’s just that, well, I don’t believe him
Qwerty: I see
Shale: I think I remember a place in the Deep Roads where there may be some clues. I would very much like to check it out
Qwerty: Well I guess we could make a huge detour since I want to check that vault again.
Leliana: Oh are we doing camp conversations here? Because I’ve been wanting to sing a song since we met the Dalish…
Alistair: Oh is it Push The Button? Awesome!
Leliana sings…

song1

I’m not calling you a liar,
Just don’t lie to me,
I’m not calling you a bad game,
Just don’t play with me.
I’m not calling you a sequel,
So stop importing me,
And I mock you so much,
I’m gonna write a
Paro-dy.

song2

There’s a game on my drive
And its flaws make me weep
It’s not even half as good as Origins,
As it not as deep
Then it lies, then it lies with false choices

song3

To all,
To all,
To all, the same result.
Oh but for the funny banter I go on,
And when you remind me of what you’re not, I’m sad enough to cry…

Qwerty: That was beautiful
Alistair: I liked my idea better

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