Dragon Strange: Part 32

Posted: August 1, 2014 in Dragon Strange
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Part 32

The party are once again wandering through the Deep Roads
Alistair: So I was thinking, since everyone likes Leliana’s Song…
Qwerty: If you’re trying to sell more DLC I will stab you
Alistair: I meant the actual song. That she sang. People like singing
Qwerty: Your point?
Alistair: We should make this a musical!
Qwerty: You’re insane
Alistair: Think about it! It’d go something like…

song1

Loghain: A teryn’s gotta do what a teryn’s gotta do
Don’t plan the plan if you can’t follow through
All that matters: taking matters into your own hands
Soon I’ll control everything, my wish is your command

song2

Alistair: Stand back everyone, nothing here to see
Just imminent danger, in the middle of it…
Qwerty: Me!

song3

Alistair and Qwerty: Yes, Grey Warden’s are here, hair blowing in the breeze
And the day needs our saving expertise

song4

Alistair: An heir’s gotta do what an heir’s gotta do
Seems the Blight ends with me ruling you
The only doom that’s looming is the Archdemons breath
So I’ll give you a sec to spawn demon babies to stop my death

song5

Morrigan (sarcastic): Thank you royal bastard, I don’t think I can
Explain how important it was that you finally be a man
Now I’m pregnant, just like in Stargate and Farscape
‘Tis time to make my escape

Qwerty: First, that’s just ridiculous. Second, it contains spoilers of things that may or may not happen
Alistair: Oh but everyone knows about that anyway
Qwerty: And thirdly we’re not doing it
Alistair: Balls

They arrive at the vault
Qwerty: Right, let’s search this place from top to bottom. Oh and if anyone finds a spare heir so we can get rid of Alistair…
Leliana: I thought we were going to marry Anora?
Qwerty: Just in case she stabs us in the back
Alistair: I found companion armour! I can finally change into some clean clothes!
Leliana: Oh thank the Maker! I can wear some different shoes at last!
Doggigan: I don’t suppose there’s anything to increase the party size so I could go human again?
Qwerty: No but there’s a shapeshifting specialisation manual, you could be a spider or a bear instead
Doggigan: I’ll stick with the dog. At least I’ve experience at being a bitch
Qwerty: Ah ha! I found it!
He proudly displays what looks like a swiss army knife
Alistair: Antivan army knife perhaps?
Leliana: Or Orlesian
Qwerty: It’s the ToolSet!
Alistair: Oh no
Qwerty: Oh yes!
Alistair: Be careful with that thing!
Qwerty: I’ve a feeling it will come in extremely handy later
Leliana: Wait, how have we been using mods when that was locked up in here?
Qwerty: There’s some very talented modders out there. And we appreciate their efforts very much
Shale: Are we done here now? Can we get to more important things like my companion quest?
Qwerty: Fine, fine. Lead the way

A short trip via the map later they end up in yet another identical portion of the Deep Roads…
Qwerty: At least we’ll never have to come here ever again after this
Doggigan: Yes I’m sure there’ll never be any reason at all for you to return to this part of the Deep Roads
Several thousand packs of Darkspawn later…

truth

Shale: Here we are, a sign saying… oh. Caridin was telling the truth after all. Can it please not tell the pervy dwarf about this?
Qwerty: Well this was clearly time well spent
Alistair: Landsmeet time?
Qwerty: Landsmeet
Alistair: An heir’s gotta do, what…
Qwerty: Shut up
Alistair (muttering): Listen close to Alistair’s heart
And hear that breaking sound
Hopes and dreams are shattering apart
And crashing to the ground…

The party return to Denerim and enter the Royal Palace
Alistair: It’s hopeless, we’ve lost
Qwerty: What are you talking about? We’re winning. We go into the next room, turn everyone against Loghain and lead the united armies against the Darkspawn
Alistair: Loghain expects the taint then I shall give it to him! Maker help us all! The rite belonged to Avernus, a man the Champion (of Redcliffe) is familiar with. I put aside his research as too dangerous – but things have changed.
Qwerty: Why are you doing this? We’re winning you pillock!
Doggigan: Guess this is why we had to get that song out of the way earlier…
Alistair mutates into a taint monster and fights the party
Alistaint: Ha ha ha! Foolish Warden! When I taught you the secret Grey Warden skills I deliberately left flaws in your style! Holes in your defence that only I would know how to exploit!
Qwerty: What? You never taught me anything!
Alistaint: Damn it, I knew I forgot to do something
Qwerty: You wanted something to remember Duncan by?
Qwerty pulls out Duncan’s dagger
Qwerty: Well here you bloody go!
Qwerty leaps up onto Alistaint’s head and stabs the dagger through his skull. Alistaint collapses, dead, his last words…
Alistaint: I love you Duncan….
Qwerty: Well you know what they say. Heir today, gone tomorrow
Leliana: To heir is human
Doggigan: What an idiot
Qwerty: Indeed. I guess you can go human for a while now
Morrigan: Finally!
Qwerty: And now to deal with Loghain…

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